Becoming Sober Curious, 2012
Laying in bed with the hangover from hell and another weekend wasted, I was fed up with how drinking was impacting my mental health. Feeling increasingly anxious and unfulfilled, I came to the realisation alcohol was holding me back. My energy and output at the start of the week would lack and my energy at the end of the week was consumed by the anticipation of going out. I was rarely present. Drinking every weekend had me operating at a lesser capacity and whilst weekend drinking was deemed the norm in my early twenties, something felt off.
In 2012 there was no alcohol-free drinks market, the sober community was in its infancy and alcohol was only considered a problem if you were addicted to it. I felt alone in my sober curiosity. It would have been easy to continue drinking every weekend and never be called out for it. I could moderate drinking, I never drank in the mornings or during the working week, I'd just started my fitness journey, and I was career focused working in drug treatment, helping others to become abstinent. Being exposed to the worst consequences of drinking and understanding how addiction worked made me self aware.
Drinking mindfully, 2013
After 12 months of self-reflection and questioning my relationship with alcohol, I knew it was time to make a change. After being sober curious and flirting with the idea of becoming alcohol-free, in 2013 I started small steps in my sober journey. Over the subsequent months I started to reduce my alcohol intake. Going completely teetotal felt overwhelming, so for the first year I went from drinking every weekend, to every other weekend, to once a month.
I was slowly gathering momentum and becoming more focused on my fitness goals, wellbeing and creative outlets. Weekends were spent in the gym, pursuing photography and enjoying food with friends. Most importantly, every Sunday evening wasn't filled with dread or guilt, and Monday mornings became more bearable. I started to feel liberated. As I became more focused on my fitness goals the shift away from alcohol became more natural. The endorphins from the gym were replacing the 'high' I was used to feeling from drinking.
Drinking dread, 2014
In 2014 I only drank a handful of times but still struggled with the expectations to drink from others around me, as I hadn't committed to never drinking again. I often received peer pressure to drink. I found society was more accepting of someone's choice not to drink if they were fully abstinent, but if people knew I drank but chose not to drink on a specific occasion, I was made to feel like I was letting people down. But every time I caved and drank, I felt like I'd let myself down. This was counter intuitive.
I hated hangovers and the thought of having a hangover tainted nights out. As I wasn't used to hangovers they consistently hit where it hurt and the hangxiety was miserable. Having 3 or 4 months sober and then drinking made me see alcohol for what it is - a depressant. Before I was sober curious, the fuzzy head, low energy and low drive were all pretty standard, but these feelings were amplified when I'd been sober for months and then drank. I remember thinking why am I doing this? I craved total abstinence
The gift, 2015
After 2 years of working towards being alcohol-free my mental health was in a much better place. My performance in work had improved, I became healthier and fitter, financially more stable and confidence oozed. I remember colleagues commenting on seeing a change in me. I had finally gotten to a place where I was happier. I started to take risks and not always play it safe. I'd had a burning desire to travel and experience living in another country, so in March 2015 I applied for a working holiday visa, quit my job and moved to Sydney, Australia. The money I'd saved from not drinking helped fulfil my dream to travel.
Within the first couple of weeks of arriving in Sydney I started a 1 year no alcohol challenge. This was going to be the trip of a lifetime so I wanted to be fully present. Being sober would provide more freedom and more finances for more adventure. I knew everyone I would meet would have no expectations of me drinking so there was no excuse to drink anymore.
This was my calling to quit.
Travel on my own terms, 2015
The first year of sobriety was easy and I had some of the best experiences of my life. Travel is often associated with partying but I wanted to prove travel was possible and enjoyable without alcohol. Here are some of the highlights from those 16 months that I still cherish today.
Skydived over the Australian Gold Coast
Landed my first major photography commission with GQ Magazine
Learned to Surf whilst in the company of dolphins
Completed my Open Water SCUBA Diving
Toured South Island of New Zealand in a Campervan
Ice Climbed in a Crevasse
Took an Aviation lesson over Sydney Harbour
Experienced living in Australia for 12 months and USA for 3 months
Visited Bermuda and Dubai
Went to top of the world, The Burj Khalifa
Worked at the Patagonia Sydney store
Snorkelled in some of the most beautiful reefs and dived with sharks
Committing, 2016
Once I'd completed my first year sober I extended my challenge to a second year. I returned to the UK half way through my second year and there was no longer an uncomfortable feeling or awkwardness attached to telling people I don't drink, or saying no to people. I'd made my decision and stuck with it. There was no going back. I found people who doubted my decision initially now respected me more for committing and sticking to my decision. I reached my second milestone of 2 years sober and made the decision to commit to lifelong abstinence. Today marks 8 years no alcohol.
My life now looks completely different to how it would if I'd kept drinking. When I removed alcohol from my life I created a new lifestyle that fitted my needs. I made new friendships centred around my passions and values. I feel like I'm in the driving seat rather than watching life go by. My creativity felt dull when I drank but now there are no limitations. I hold myself accountable for my mistakes and I feel like I'm being authentic to myself. Energy and time are precious, so it's important I'm not wasting resources on something that doesn't fulfil me.
Giving back, 2023
I love hearing the sober stories of others and this 10-year journey led to the creation of Arclett. Watching the journeys of others unfold through the Arclett community ignites a fire and reminds me why I quit drinking in the first place. Seeing early milestones being achieved excites me as that was when I noticed the biggest changes occur in my own sober journey. It was when I started to recognise that following my own path and going against the grain was freeing.
It was when the momentum and confidence started to seep into other areas of my life. Being sober brought the opportunity to make a lifestyle shift, have a fresh start, and build new relationships. Everyone has their own journey and their own story, but there is a mutual interest of wanting more from life. This brings us together as we crave inspiration and relatability.
Abstinence doesn't always have to be the answer, and going from drinking every weekend to every other weekend I see as a success story. Being more intentional with what's consuming you, or becoming sober curious and wondering how life could look without alcohol are all positive steps, and actions.
Stay curious
My life now is by no means perfect. I still have highs and lows. The lows I've learned to feel, process, and live with. Sometimes I still struggle to process my emotions but we’re all human. As I chase natural highs I try to avoid artificial waves of dopamine. Natural highs don't lead to hangovers or regret, and they keep my mood in check. Watching my daughter enter this world was an experience I'll never forget. I'm thankful I was able to live through and process those emotions. It's often the simple and free things that bring me the most pleasure. Hearing her belly laugh, precious family time, days in the mountains or on the coast, exploring, exercising, being creative - these all provide me with fulfilment, presence and purpose. It's easy to chase the quick fixes but not drinking has made me more mindful and aware of addictive patterns. I appreciate the calm and the now, and I'm grateful for the degree of stability I have brought into my life from taking action and making an unpopular decision.
Conclusion
Like my last sober story, the narrative isn’t anti alcohol, but about working towards being the best version of myself, and staying committed and true to my beliefs.
Becoming alcohol-free hasn't solved all of my problems, but life is less complicated without a hangover.
Where I find myself today would not be possible if I was still drinking. Becoming a parent last year brought me on a new journey - the scary, the unknown, the magical, but I take comfort knowing the removal of alcohol from my life has helped me be more present with my daughter, and for that reason alone, it was all worth it.
Scott - 2920 Days
