“As I’ve gotten older, the link between my depleting self esteem and alcohol consumption has become harder to deny. I’ve been silently questioning my relationship with drinking for years now and my sober curiosity has grown with that. I’m very early on in my journey but I feel proud of making such a positive choice for myself instead of going down the self destructive rabbit hole that I know all too well. I’m aware being sober won’t ‘solve’ all of my problems but it’s definitely a step in the right direction.

Having recently gone through a breakup I felt now was as good a time as any to start shedding some bad habits and rediscovering what I want out of my life. I was sick of holding this constant shame of not knowing my limit; the fear and embarrassment from what I might have said or done the night before when I didn’t want the party to end. I would withdraw into my shell and completely isolate myself causing a lot of damage to my relationships.

This choice is not just for myself but also for my loved ones. I want to be more present for them. To be a better friend, a better sister and a better daughter - someone to rely on.

Slowly but surely my, true self confidence is pushing through after each event I attend sober. I’m starting to feel more comfortable in myself without alcohol; reminding myself that I am enough as I am. I feel optimistic and excited for the future for the first time in a long time; for all the firsts I’m going the experience again with a much clearer head. Before, time felt like it was running away from me but now, it feels abundant.

I am someone who has always struggled with self doubt and anxiety. Drinking felt like a special confidence elixir where I would forget all my worries. But then the hangovers would bring them all back up to the surface in a crippling wave of negative thoughts that became unbearable; there was no bouncing back and I wouldn’t recover from the impact for weeks.

A saving grace for me has been getting outside in nature as walking helps to clear my mind and feel grounded. I’m also sticking to the commitments I make with my friends despite them sometimes involving drinking. It gets easier every time to hang out and stay sober which is such a boost; especially after having made it through the alcohol heavy Christmas period.

It’s by no means been an easy road but for the first time in a long time I feel proud of myself and most importantly, a lot happier. Finally I’m giving myself space to craft the life I want, learning to say no and vouching for myself. I refuse to give up, on myself and the future.”