Alcohol Made Me Anxious

The constant companion when I drank was hangxiety.

After the warm fuzzy feeling faded, I’d wake up the next day hungover, feeling anxious ~ mostly about nothing.

I didn’t tend to wake up with massive regrets about the night before. I was rarely the last one standing, never life and soul of the party, or tempted by hair of the dog. But I still drank too much and paid the price the next day.

While alcohol may have made me more social in the moment, it made me less social for the next couple of days. It made me want to avoid social situations and retreat to my safe space ~ my bed.

Now, 9 years alcohol-free, have I felt anxious? Absolutely. But it’s been a different kind of anxiety ~ one that’s not tied to consequences of alcohol and not self-induced.

Life is hard enough without a hangover. While I feel ambivalence and stress in other areas of my life, alcohol is no longer a source of drain or worry.

I no longer have to debate “should or shouldn’t” drink. There’s enough to be ambivalent over in life ~ screen time, should I buy this, eat that, go to the gym… We all have these daily battles going on.

Removing alcohol from my life gave me one less battle, and one less thing to worry about, and by stopping, I removed something that brought negative consequences.

Because of that, I have 10-20% more energy, time, and money, and for that, my life is 10-20% better than it was when I drank. It’s not about perfection ~ it’s just about being better, even if it’s just a little bit.

I can’t imagine what hangxiety would feel like as a parent, because my anxiety has only increased since having our daughter. Now it’s a different kind of anxiety ~ one of responsibility and love. I only have to glance at the news to feel anxious about parenthood.

To give myself the best chance of success and happiness (my definition), I needed routine, stability, and structure in my life. Drinking disrupted that. And while it didn’t destroy balance, it definitely impacted it.

If you’d like to better understand your relationship with alcohol, the Dry January® challenge is a great opportunity to pause, reflect, reset, and figure out what’s most important to you.